


A Hogwarts with Smells/这是个有味道的霍格沃兹(Not Authorized Translation/未授权翻译)[Harry Potter "Messing Around" ABO/HP恶搞ABO]

by heiyutail



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Death Eaters, Funny, Funny Voldemort, Gen, Messing Around, Scents & Smells, [HP恶搞ABO]这是个有味道的霍格沃兹
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24659890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heiyutail/pseuds/heiyutail
Summary: This is a short funny story based on Harry Potter. This is not something serious! Just for fun.I found this on lofter.com. Exact URL above me(I think)I changed a bit of the story because cultural difference.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald, Cho Chang/Harry Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Kudos: 6





	A Hogwarts with Smells/这是个有味道的霍格沃兹(Not Authorized Translation/未授权翻译)[Harry Potter "Messing Around" ABO/HP恶搞ABO]

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [[HP恶搞ABO]这是个有味道的霍格沃兹](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/632104) by 叮铛小铃儿. 



1.

Harry Potter was an Alpha with a garlic smell.

That's why Cho Chang, the Asian girl, got snatched by him.

(Cho's pheromone was instant noodles.[braised beef noodles])

This was why Harry Potter was the "Chosen One".

Cuz if he couldn't kill Lord Voldemort, he can still stink Voldemort to death.

* * *

2.

Why did Snape loathe Harry Potter so much?

Because he was allergic to garlic.

If Harry Potter is within a radius of five meters around him, Snape will sneeze, has tears all over his face, and swells up from head to toes.

This made him think of the leek smelling James Potter.

So, in Harry Potter's fifth year, when they were learning Occlumency, they quarreled like this,

Harry and Snape were standing at each end of the room, ten meters apart, covering their noses with hands, and blur voices came out from their palms.

"You are as disgusting as your father!"

"My father was a hero!"

"He was a leek!"

Snape was so angry that he let go of his hand accidentally and his face swelled up like a huge bag instantly.

He was always wondering why Lily with the pheromone of green grass would produce a garlic smelling Potter.

He forgot that there was a stage in garlic growth which was green grass that smells like a leek.

* * *

3.

As a matter of fact, the Marauders were not easy to be trifled with.

Not only they had a James Potter that smells like leek, an onion smelling Remus Lupin, a stinky tofu which was Peter, most importantly, they have an ultimate killer...

...Sirius Black with the smell of river snails rice noodle.

So, when they battle against others, the only thing need to be done is to shout, 

"Let Sirius Black out!!!"

The enemies will fall back automatically.

At the time, Hogwarts had no one that could compete against Sirius Black except...

...Severus Snape

He had the pheromone of wet paint.

Real paint.

It's the kind of paint that has formaldehyde and toluene and xylene and all the other chemicals that you cannot name.

Moreover, his mood's good-or-bad-thing was in inverse proportion to the range of this odor diffusion.

At his best, he could make the whole school smells like himself.

That was why the Marauders always make Snape piss off.

So they didn't need to go to class!

Dramatically, we can say like this...

When Snape is sad, the whole school will sigh with him.

When Snape is depressed, the whole school will cry with him.

Madame Pomfrey opened a special psychological comfort room for him.

So, after you have seen the things above, don't write like this, "Professor Snape sprayed poison throughout the classroom as usual."

He was toxic himself, really.

Isn't it more appropriate and accurate to write as "Professor Snape sprayed paint all over the classroom as usual."?

This was why he spied the Dark Lord for Dumbledore.

His odor was not enough to stink Voldemort to death like Harry Potter,

But if Voldemort was accompanied by him for a long time, he can reduce the Dark Lord's IQ, weaken his eyesight, damage his immune system, and even lead to leukemia.

Indirectly gave the Order of Phoenix some opportunity.

In class, he would take a formaldehyde absorber with him.

But the smell of the paint itself was not so easy to disappear.

Ginny sometimes complained to Molly that they took Potion lessons as if they were eating garlic in a newly painted room.

Molly said calmly, "That won't count a thing. Our meeting in the Order of Phoenix is like eating river snails rice noodle in a newly painted room."

I seem to understand why Professor Snape's classroom and accommodation were in the cellar.

That's too smart!

Because low temperature is not conducive to the diffusion of gas molecules.

In this case, Snape should live in a freezer.

Please imagine Sirius and Snape fighting...

"SHUT UP! You Snivellus that fell into the paint bucket!"

"SHUT UP! You stupid dog that eats river snails rice noodle every day!"

Later, the Order of the Phoenix gave each member a gas mask.

Also why people cry when they hear about Lupin's life.

Have you ever cut onions?

* * *

4.

Dumbledore had alcoholic pheromone.

It was not red wine or white wine or that kind of kind, with the taste of mellow or strong.

It was the taste of alcohol!

Medicinal alcohol!

It was said that even when he was young, he was so powerful that he could intoxicate everyone in 500 miles.

Even now, he was more than one hundred years old. Teachers and students were usually drunk, too, when they listen to him.

It was just like the quote, "Everyone is turbid, I'm pure; everyone is drunk, I'm awake."*

Grindelwald taste like oak cork.

Such a perfect match!

DO NOT THINK OF SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE!

* * *

5.

Another thing is, these three generations of wizards became worse and worse.

There was no walking drug like Dumbledore.

There's no such super nuclear weapon as Sirius Black.

The one who was relatively more powerful than the other--Harry Potter--was only a kind of a medium-to-high level.

Oh, I seem to have forgotten a man who was also pretty powerful of the same age!

Draco Malfoy?

No. His whole family smelled like Mousse hair gel.

Hermione Granger?

She was an ink smelling woman.

Ron?

He's a Beta. Just throw him out of your mind.

Yeah, right!

Neville Longbottom.

He thought he was a Beta.

However,

In fact, he smelled of spicy sticks.

And he was the kind with a really heavy taste.

Can't imagine it, can you?

* * *

6.

What did Voldemort taste like?

His flavor was shoehorn.

Professor Snape really sacrificed a lot to win!

Voldemort didn't have a nose...

...But he could still breathe.

He would pretend that he didn't know what he smelled like.

"Who didn't wash his feet? Come out yourself."

The Death Eater will negotiate to find a different scapegoat every day.

~The End~

**Author's Note:**

> * "众人皆浊我独清，众人皆醉我独醒"


End file.
